Hello friend! Thank you so much for your time and attention.
Jonter and I are still working on making the project something we can truly be proud of. We don't have a great timeline on when it'll be out, but I will make an announcement when it's all improved. Shouldn't be before the New Year, certainly.
And 2 months later we've finally finished everything up. I hope this isn't aggressive marketing but I felt bad leaving this comment hanging for so long.
I worked around the bugs I found in your script (reported them in your DM ^^) -- but this is a solid short novel! I enjoyed the atmosphere and the deep sense of reflection that Ina had on this particular Halloween night.
(spoilers below)
I actually felt quite a bit of empathy, like I understood why Ina was feeling "blah" about the specialness of Halloween. There really is a specific vibe to the season's end and the festivities that follow, that can sometimes get "lost to the wind" so to speak. Being in that state and seeing it around you, and subsequently feeling disconnected from that special circumstance (especially from your friends) can be isolating, and certainly induce some reflection about it (clever!). Can say I've been there... but being able to see what the festivities represent -- to induce a spark of excitement and change of pace, if even for a moment, in an otherwise-mundane or perpetual cycle of daily life -- is what makes it a special occasion. Even if the occasion itself comes year after year!
As for the actual substance and story flow of the novel, I thought the dialogue was witty and pretty robust! For context, I read all text out loud with what I perceived to be their intended inflection. I enjoyed the visual flairs and the distinct font effects, and I really appreciate Jonter's direction with the artwork (very tasteful!). The references were cute and sly, too... and those riddles, hoo boy!
In a couple of parts however, I felt like the pacing of Ina's thoughts, and also some of the transitioning dialogues, was a little off or abrupt (including just a bit the very end), and some dialogues could be split into different lines for better pacing -- but it didn't too significantly disrupt the flow of the narrative. I do feel like the high-level tracking of Ina's reflections on Halloween was a tad tricky to follow as a result, but I also feel like I did reach the end of the rollercoaster and the intended conclusion you set up pretty steadily (bearing in mind I'm a seasoned VN reader).
I did enjoy seeing Ina bounce off of her fellow Myth members, and feel like they did increasingly contribute to that underlying pace as they were introduced -- but Kiara by and far was the most impactful character to following Ina's headspace progression, by a huge margin.
--- In all, this was good! I would've loved to read more✨
This in-depth feedback means a great deal to me! Thank you so much.
For a game that's barely half an hour, you've touched on the themes I hoped would work and the worries I had very much in a helpful way.
The final version will be cleaner, and while hopefully the addition of expressions and the final CG will grant more emotional impact, I will try to flesh out interactions a bit more.
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Nice gamejam entry!
I liked the short story. I can see the project was rushed to meet the deadline, with all the bugs and preliminary art.
I hope you come back to update this project in the future, to get it to a "finished" state, as it's a good story.
Good game!
Hello friend! Thank you so much for your time and attention.
Jonter and I are still working on making the project something we can truly be proud of. We don't have a great timeline on when it'll be out, but I will make an announcement when it's all improved. Shouldn't be before the New Year, certainly.
And 2 months later we've finally finished everything up. I hope this isn't aggressive marketing but I felt bad leaving this comment hanging for so long.
Ooooh! I'll give it another go as soon as I have some time.
Thank you for finishing the game!
I worked around the bugs I found in your script (reported them in your DM ^^) -- but this is a solid short novel! I enjoyed the atmosphere and the deep sense of reflection that Ina had on this particular Halloween night.
(spoilers below)
I actually felt quite a bit of empathy, like I understood why Ina was feeling "blah" about the specialness of Halloween. There really is a specific vibe to the season's end and the festivities that follow, that can sometimes get "lost to the wind" so to speak. Being in that state and seeing it around you, and subsequently feeling disconnected from that special circumstance (especially from your friends) can be isolating, and certainly induce some reflection about it (clever!). Can say I've been there... but being able to see what the festivities represent -- to induce a spark of excitement and change of pace, if even for a moment, in an otherwise-mundane or perpetual cycle of daily life -- is what makes it a special occasion. Even if the occasion itself comes year after year!
As for the actual substance and story flow of the novel, I thought the dialogue was witty and pretty robust! For context, I read all text out loud with what I perceived to be their intended inflection. I enjoyed the visual flairs and the distinct font effects, and I really appreciate Jonter's direction with the artwork (very tasteful!). The references were cute and sly, too... and those riddles, hoo boy!
In a couple of parts however, I felt like the pacing of Ina's thoughts, and also some of the transitioning dialogues, was a little off or abrupt (including just a bit the very end), and some dialogues could be split into different lines for better pacing -- but it didn't too significantly disrupt the flow of the narrative. I do feel like the high-level tracking of Ina's reflections on Halloween was a tad tricky to follow as a result, but I also feel like I did reach the end of the rollercoaster and the intended conclusion you set up pretty steadily (bearing in mind I'm a seasoned VN reader).
I did enjoy seeing Ina bounce off of her fellow Myth members, and feel like they did increasingly contribute to that underlying pace as they were introduced -- but Kiara by and far was the most impactful character to following Ina's headspace progression, by a huge margin.
--- In all, this was good! I would've loved to read more✨
This in-depth feedback means a great deal to me! Thank you so much.
For a game that's barely half an hour, you've touched on the themes I hoped would work and the worries I had very much in a helpful way.
The final version will be cleaner, and while hopefully the addition of expressions and the final CG will grant more emotional impact, I will try to flesh out interactions a bit more.
I am grateful!